June 5, 2012

I have started many posts over the past couple months but never seem to finish my thoughts.  I've just had too much going on.  I finally feel like I have a chance to breath.  Softball has slowed down.  We just finished our last tournament until August.  The girls did great.  They are really starting to come together and show how hard they've worked.  That's what makes me enjoy what I do so much.  Work is busy as usual, just can't ever seem to get caught up.  But that's better than being bored for sure!  I went back home to Omaha for a visit in March.  My dad didn't know I was coming so it was so much fun to surprise him!!  We surprised him at a restaurant, it was perfect!!  I spent a lot of time with my parents and my friend Mike.  I had a great time, this was my favorite visit back home.  I learned how to shoot a shot gun while I was there.  We went out to my mom and step dad's new property in Iowa. I surprisingly hit my target, but of course it wasn't moving.  But I'll be proud of it anyways.  Oh and I rode my first ferris wheel!  Mike had no idea I have a fear of them and hadn't been on one before. I didn't say  a word until we were already on it and I survived :).  I still don't get out much to just have fun here but I'm working on that.  I went to a minor A baseball game last week.  They had unlimited wings from all kinds of booths from different restaurants.  It was fun to try the different kinds.  Although since I'm such a wuss and only eat BBQ or teriyaki wings it was a bit limited for me.  But my friend wasn't even phased by the hottest of the hottest so I was impressed.  Although he sure was sweating so I think he was just really good at faking it.  ha ha.  This weekend I am going to lunch and movie with some girl friends.  Other than that it's work, softball and majority of my free time is spent with my "Florida family"  I swear I practically live at my friend Beth's house.  But she is great and I love her kids and I guess Andy is OK too...  lol. 

February 21st 2012

I honestly think the hardest part about writing on here is coming up with a "title"  My brain goes in such random places and when I start this I have no idea what I'll be writ\ing about.  So how can I start off with a title??  It's like if I give it a title I feel stuck on that topic so I'm just going to write the date.  Anyways, on to more useless boring topics :-)  I've been really busy with work and softball.  Our team started our travel ball league, so we've had a few games.  A bit of a rough start, but that was to be expected.  They are young and most are new to this level.  They are hanging in there and learning though.  I'm really excited to see how far they will get by this fall.  Only coaching one team this season has proven to be a great decision.  Having time for myself is MUCH needed.  I will admit that being that busy was very good for getting through my divorce though.  I was able to stay busy and keep moving on with life. But now that I'm stronger it was the right choice to cut back so I can have a life.  Of course I have no idea how I'm going to fill that time.  I haven't had free time to do whatever I want in so long I'm kinda lost.  But looking forward to finding out.  I've dated a couple people over the past year and one of those relationships recently ended.  But that was also a good decision and I'm looking forward to what is next.  I always have one up my sleeve ;-)  

Refreshed

It's amazing what a day off can do!  Of course I got up at 6:00am to finish some paperwork, worked until 9:00am.  But since it was work from home I'm not counting it.  It's my day so I can do that. Haha.  I had such a relaxing day yesterday.  No stress, No rushing, No where I had to be.  I had great company for my day too.  Just what I needed after a stressful week/weekend trying to get caught up.  Had a great morning today too and anyone who knows me knows "great" and "morning" don't belong in my vocabulary together!  But I wasn't rushed, drove by the water on my way in to work which was beautiful and peaceful, traffic was good, got in to work early.  Of course now I wonder what chaos awaits around the corner today since it started out to well.  But, I'm not going to worry about it and just enjoy it.   

Why?

Why is it that people from the past can't just stay in the past?  There is a reason you are not in my present so why would I want you in my future?  There are just some people that are like cockroaches, no matter how hard you try they just won't go away.  They seem to keep popping up when you least expect it.  Annoying little buggers!   

Need Help

Like most people I have set some goals or things to accomplish or change this year.  Last year I lost 40 pounds, got my thyroid straightened out and lowered my cholesterol.  All very big accomplishments.  So this year is about not just maintaining the weight that I am at so as not to gain.  But I would like to actually get in shape and get back to eating healthy.  I find myself being motivated for short spurts but can't keep up.  Life gets in the way.  When I get busy I put it off to tomorrow and I don't take the time to cook or go to the store.  I take the easy way out and go to a drive thru or heat up a frozen plate of sodium and fat.  Temptations at work when everyone else eats it is another tough one.  I'll be good and bring in my lunch and end up eating out because what everyone else is ordering sounds better than what I brought.  I am hoping this year will be different.  I hope I have surrounded myself around the right people to help me.  I think support is going to be the only way I can do this.

Forget the I'm Sorry, Just be Happy

So 2012, WOW.  I reflected back at the end of the year and for once actually appreciated where I am compared to where I was the year before.  I can't recall ever feeling that way before.  The end of 2010 my life was a complete mess, marriage was in crumbles, had no self worth or self esteem and wasn't sure how I was going to find a way to support myself or where I would live.  Well, 2011 was one gigantic roller coaster but everything was worth it.  I found my independence and along with that came finding myself.  And guess what?  I actually like myself!  Imagine that.  Trying to pretend my life was great and mask the problems was way too much work. Exhausting in fact.  You lie and cover up so much you actually don't realize what reality is and lose sight of who you really are. Which story is true?? Which feeling am I actually feeling??. It's all a jumbled mess. But my questions is, was I fooling anyone except myself?  Was all that effort just a waste to make myself feel better when I was just trying to make others not worry?  I have come to the realization that I wasn't actually fooling anyone.  So what a fool I was.  This was one of the best lessons I could have ever learned.  Living my life and actually being happy is so much better.  I now know what the real feelings are that I lied about so often feeling.  It's still sort-of surreal that I am actually happy, but I'm starting to realize it's not a dream. 

 

I missed October!

So I completely missed writing in October.  But if that means I'm too busy living my life to write then that's a good thing right??  Well, maybe it's also a little bit because I'm lazy too. But shhh... don't tell. 

Well work is still really busy, I am officially named as the lead admin now.  I'm going to be doing some new things I'm excited to learn.  This job is definitely out of my element, pretty much everything I'm doing I've never done before but I really like it.  I don't hear many people say they like their jobs, so I consider myself one of the lucky ones that does. 

Softball has been going great.  The rec team has our last game tomorrow, go Gators!  The young travel team we recently started is going to play in our first tournament next weekend.  Excited and nervous about that... as I'm sure the girls are too.  But it will be fun I'm sure. 

I'm going home for Thanksgiving!!  It's been a  year since I've seen my family, I just know I'm going to cry when I get there!   I'm so excited I've already started packing.  Of course that's easy to do when we're still in shorts weather here and I have to pack sweaters. Yuck!  But the cold is worth seeing my family and friends.  I just wish I hadn't waited so long to get back there.  Now I need to work on getting some people to start visiting here more often.  When you guys get tired of seeing all that white stuff all over the ground give me a call!   

Already September!

I can't believe it's already September.  But they do say "time flies when you're having fun!"  I guess that means I'm having lots of fun right??...  ummm right...  I am so busy right now I don't have the energy to try to remember if I'm having fun! :-)  Just kidding!  I am having some fun of course.  My favorite little blonde haired blue eyed little girls had her 6th birthday recently.  So Happy Birthday to Amanda.  She's so sweet.  She had her birthday party over the weekend, I had a good time going to that.  Learned a new game called Freeze Dance.  It was fun to see the kids play it.  As much as she was worried, my friend Beth handled 15 crazy screaming kids like a an old champ.  Work has been really busy, I can't seem to keep up right now but I'm at least staying afloat.  My divorce was finalized last week.  It was strange, walking in married and walking out not married and it took all of 2 minutes.  It wasn't something I wanted to hear congrats or I'm sorry over.  But it is good to have the closure and for both of us to be able to move forward.  Besides work and softball I have little time left for anything else, so nothing exciting to report  I've been able to get out with friends here and there, that has been nice.  Starting to get a little homesick, need to schedule a vacation back home soon.  A friend of mine was sent there for work recently and I was super jealous.  I will make it home for a visit soon I hope!  Just need to try to save up some money, which has been about impossible,.  Supporting myself has been quite the struggle.  But I will say I have learned a lot about myself and about life in the past 11 months.  I feel I've changed and grown in many ways.  It may not have been a pretty path, but I am grateful to have the opportunity to learn these things and make these changes.  I think my life in the future will be much better because of what I have gone through.  I still have a lot to learn, no doubt about that, but I'm headed in the right direction... I think ;-)

Zzzzzzzz

I've had so much going on and so much on my brain that sleep hasn't quite made the cut lately.  I am exhausted.  Thank goodness for coffee!!!  I will admit, some of that is my own fault, have had some fun lately.  But hell, I deserve it!  But I've been working a lot and have had a lot to do and things on my mind keeping me awake at night, so that has been the main culprit in my lack of zzzz's.  I had one fantastic night of sleep last week that helped energize me for the weekend.  And tonight I have the night off and I am just chillin at home and will be crawling in to bed early!!  I'm super stoked.  I also got good news today, not able to share yet.  But it takes a load off of my mind and I am finally able to relax and breathe a little... at least on this topic :-) So I should be able to actually fell asleep and stay asleep.  So no late texts tonight... you people know who you are! ;-)  Not much else going on, just work, softball, gym and friends.  But that's how I like it.  Good night all, see you in my dreams!!

Ugh!

My brain is exhausted! That's all... the end :-)