Forget the I'm Sorry, Just be Happy

So 2012, WOW.  I reflected back at the end of the year and for once actually appreciated where I am compared to where I was the year before.  I can't recall ever feeling that way before.  The end of 2010 my life was a complete mess, marriage was in crumbles, had no self worth or self esteem and wasn't sure how I was going to find a way to support myself or where I would live.  Well, 2011 was one gigantic roller coaster but everything was worth it.  I found my independence and along with that came finding myself.  And guess what?  I actually like myself!  Imagine that.  Trying to pretend my life was great and mask the problems was way too much work. Exhausting in fact.  You lie and cover up so much you actually don't realize what reality is and lose sight of who you really are. Which story is true?? Which feeling am I actually feeling??. It's all a jumbled mess. But my questions is, was I fooling anyone except myself?  Was all that effort just a waste to make myself feel better when I was just trying to make others not worry?  I have come to the realization that I wasn't actually fooling anyone.  So what a fool I was.  This was one of the best lessons I could have ever learned.  Living my life and actually being happy is so much better.  I now know what the real feelings are that I lied about so often feeling.  It's still sort-of surreal that I am actually happy, but I'm starting to realize it's not a dream.