Refreshed

It's amazing what a day off can do!  Of course I got up at 6:00am to finish some paperwork, worked until 9:00am.  But since it was work from home I'm not counting it.  It's my day so I can do that. Haha.  I had such a relaxing day yesterday.  No stress, No rushing, No where I had to be.  I had great company for my day too.  Just what I needed after a stressful week/weekend trying to get caught up.  Had a great morning today too and anyone who knows me knows "great" and "morning" don't belong in my vocabulary together!  But I wasn't rushed, drove by the water on my way in to work which was beautiful and peaceful, traffic was good, got in to work early.  Of course now I wonder what chaos awaits around the corner today since it started out to well.  But, I'm not going to worry about it and just enjoy it.   

Why?

Why is it that people from the past can't just stay in the past?  There is a reason you are not in my present so why would I want you in my future?  There are just some people that are like cockroaches, no matter how hard you try they just won't go away.  They seem to keep popping up when you least expect it.  Annoying little buggers!   

Need Help

Like most people I have set some goals or things to accomplish or change this year.  Last year I lost 40 pounds, got my thyroid straightened out and lowered my cholesterol.  All very big accomplishments.  So this year is about not just maintaining the weight that I am at so as not to gain.  But I would like to actually get in shape and get back to eating healthy.  I find myself being motivated for short spurts but can't keep up.  Life gets in the way.  When I get busy I put it off to tomorrow and I don't take the time to cook or go to the store.  I take the easy way out and go to a drive thru or heat up a frozen plate of sodium and fat.  Temptations at work when everyone else eats it is another tough one.  I'll be good and bring in my lunch and end up eating out because what everyone else is ordering sounds better than what I brought.  I am hoping this year will be different.  I hope I have surrounded myself around the right people to help me.  I think support is going to be the only way I can do this.

Forget the I'm Sorry, Just be Happy

So 2012, WOW.  I reflected back at the end of the year and for once actually appreciated where I am compared to where I was the year before.  I can't recall ever feeling that way before.  The end of 2010 my life was a complete mess, marriage was in crumbles, had no self worth or self esteem and wasn't sure how I was going to find a way to support myself or where I would live.  Well, 2011 was one gigantic roller coaster but everything was worth it.  I found my independence and along with that came finding myself.  And guess what?  I actually like myself!  Imagine that.  Trying to pretend my life was great and mask the problems was way too much work. Exhausting in fact.  You lie and cover up so much you actually don't realize what reality is and lose sight of who you really are. Which story is true?? Which feeling am I actually feeling??. It's all a jumbled mess. But my questions is, was I fooling anyone except myself?  Was all that effort just a waste to make myself feel better when I was just trying to make others not worry?  I have come to the realization that I wasn't actually fooling anyone.  So what a fool I was.  This was one of the best lessons I could have ever learned.  Living my life and actually being happy is so much better.  I now know what the real feelings are that I lied about so often feeling.  It's still sort-of surreal that I am actually happy, but I'm starting to realize it's not a dream.