Life
Life is full of all kinds of events and changes. For those of you who know me, I am no stranger to drama. I have a past (like everyone else) and there are things I just can't completely get past. But here's my question, should I get past everything? Or are there things that are ok to not just forget. Forgive and Forget. I am hating that saying more and more. I used to hold a lot of grudges. Especially with family. I never felt loved by either side of my family (I'm talking about my extended family, not my parents), except for my great grandma. Well, over the past couple years both of my grandmothers have put in a little extra effort to try to have a relationship with me. At first I was VERY skeptical and didn't want to give in. I then realized life is too short for grudges and have tried to accept them. This hasn't had great results, but nothing negative has come from it. It's still a work in progress. So, I evaluated other parts of my life. There are others I've tried to forgive for things in the past and have been able to move on and have pleasant experiences because of this. But, there is one major issue that I just can't seem to bring myself to forgive or forget about. I'm not going in to detail, those of you who are closer to me already know this anyways. But, when someone completely ruins all trust and disrespects you in the worst way you can imagine, do they deserve forgiveness? And is the forgiveness there to make myself feel better and to move on or am I forgiving this person to make them feel better? Or in the case I'm in now, should I do it to make things easier on those around us? I'm really torn. Holidays should be a happy time, but for me this holiday is turning in to one big ball of stress. Is it really worth it? Why can't I just put my feelings aside and just make things run smooth? Wouldn't that make things a lot more simple? But then, I feel I'm disrespecting myself and then who is there to forgive me for that? Well, I'm done rambling, I don't really expect answers to all these question marks, but feel free to drop comments if you have any, I'm all ears.
posted by GingerKid at 11/22/2006
2 Comments:
Unfortunately this is a topic that you will have to work through with our support, yet without our direction. There are plenty of people in your life that care and might feel compelled to advise, though it really wouldn't be our place to do so.
The only piece of advice I can offer is to do the best you can to work through it (whatever means that might be). Perhaps that's forgiveness. Perhaps it's forgetting, but not really forgiving. Perhaps it's not really forgetting or forgiving, but simply accepting this as a part of your life and making the best of the situation.
Ok, I will offer one small piece of advice on an adjacent topic. Remember that you are living right now. Don't forget to live for today, not for yesterday. It's certainly ok to remember yesterday, but don't let yesterday destroy your today or tomorrow.
Regardless of how you handle this, remember you have people in your life that care and want nothing but the best for you.
11/22/2006 8:58 AM
don't get past your past gingerkid, you are a wonderful person, and you could not be who you are without your past. however you are MORE than the sum total of your experiences. take what you know and build on it.
putting aside your feelings to make things run smooth is SELLING OUT. don't do it. a big part of the problem is people won't talk about or even admit there is/was a problem. in some ways this is worse than the original problem, is a complete disregard for you as a person, and DON'T cooperate with it. there is reality and their fantasy world, which one do you want to live in?
as far as forgiving goes. we forgive to allow ourselves to move on, not really for any benefit for the other. when i got that thick letter from my dad (no doubt a confession), i threw it out, unread, he was still trying to manipulate the outcome... i.e. his being forgiven by me. forgiving is something you do for you, not for the other. you have feelings of fear and stress because you still need to protect yourself, when you are strong enough to protect yourself emotionally, you'll notice one day that forgiveness or not isn't a question, it is just a fact.
experience has shown me that giving yourself some room from your family is beneficial. bag 'em for a year if that's what it takes. if it means sitting home alone this Christmas, well sister, it beats the heck out of being disrespected. Let them suffer a little crisis, and if they want to have a relationship with you, make it on your terms with your facts about the past.
protect yourself, grow, and treasure your family of choice, your friends.
11/22/2006 11:08 AM
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